How Many Times Couples Should Have Sex Every Week?

As a couples therapist working with Millennials and Gen Z in New York, I often hear the same question in my sessions: How many times should we be having sex? This question comes up when couples are feeling disconnected, comparing themselves to others, or wondering if their relationship is "normal." The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But understanding sexual frequency trends and, more importantly, what works for your relationship can make all the difference.

I recently collaborated with Newsweek to provide expert insight on this very topic. In that article, we explored how often couples are having sex on average and what factors influence intimacy. But beyond the numbers, the most important takeaway is that quality matters more than quantity. Let’s dive into what that really means for your relationship.

What’s the Average? Understanding Sexual Frequency Trends

If you’re wondering about statistics… According to research by Kinsey Institute, age could potentially predict how often a person has sex. In the United States, sexual frequency varies across different age groups. Here's a little breakdown based on their research:

• Ages 18-29: Individuals in this group engage in sexual activity approximately 112 times per year, averaging about twice a week.

• Ages 30-39: The frequency decreases to around 86 times per year, translating to about 1.6 times per week.

• Ages 40-49: Individuals in this bracket have sex approximately 69 times per year, or about 1.3 times per week.

Additionally, a survey by NapLab found that the average American has sex about once per week. However, this frequency varies significantly across different states.

Here is the thing. These statistics can provide a helpful reference, but they don’t tell the full story. Every relationship is unique, and what feels right for one couple may not be the same for another. Some couples thrive on frequent intimacy, while others find that emotional connection matters more than physical frequency.

Why Quality Matters More Than Quantity?

This was echoed in my conversation with Newsweek, where I emphasized that there is no universal right or wrong number when it comes to sex. Instead of focusing on frequency, couples should prioritize satisfaction and connection. More frequent sex does not necessarily correlate with increased happiness in relationships. In other words, quality matters more than quantity.

For some couples, that could mean having sex every day, while others might prefer once a week. Regardless of the frequency, couples shouldn’t get hung up on the numbers, it’s also about the quality, presence, and emotional connection. Desire thrives on spontaneity and genuine connection, and those things rarely come from pressure to fulfill an obligation.

Instead of worrying about numbers, ask yourselves: Do we feel close? Are we enjoying our intimacy? When sex feels like a choice rather than a duty, it becomes so much more satisfying. It’s also important to factor in life stresses and emotional well-being, which can affect libido. There’s no point in putting sex on the to-do list if one or both partners feel stressed or exhausted.

Rather than aiming for a specific number, couples should focus on what feels mutually satisfying and fulfilling. Allowing space between encounters can foster anticipation and a deeper sense of emotional and physical connection. A couple who has sex once a week with full emotional and physical investment will likely feel more satisfied than a couple who has daily, routine sex without true connection.

Factors That Influence Sexual Frequency

There are many reasons why a couple’s sex life fluctuates over time. Some key factors include:

• Stress and Lifestyle: Work, social obligations, and daily responsibilities can impact desire and energy levels.

• Mental and Physical Health: Anxiety, depression, hormonal changes, and physical health conditions can all affect libido.

• Relationship Dynamics: Emotional connection, trust, and unresolved conflicts all play a role in sexual intimacy.

Instead of focusing on how many times a week you should be having sex, shift the focus to what feels fulfilling and sustainable for both of you.

When to Consider Couples Therapy?

If you and your partner feel disconnected, struggle with mismatched libidos, or find that sex has become a source of stress rather than connection, couples therapy can help. Therapy provides a space to:

• Improve communication about intimacy and desires.

• Understand what might be affecting your sex life.

• Develop strategies to reconnect emotionally and physically.

Couples therapy provides a supportive space to improve communication, explore underlying concerns, and develop strategies to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy. Many young couples I work with face these challenges, and therapy offers a practical, real, and effective way to work through them together.

Conclusion

So, how many times a week should you be having sex? The real answer is: as often as feels right for you and your partner. Whether that’s once a week, a few times a month, or something else entirely, what matters most is that both of you feel satisfied, connected, and valued in your relationship.

If you’re struggling with intimacy or relationship challenges, couples therapy can be a great resource to help you navigate these conversations and build a stronger, more fulfilling connection. If this resonates with you, don’t hesitate to reach out—we’re passionate about helping young couples reconnect and feel strong again!