Why Gen Z Struggles With Emotional Vulnerability? A Therapist’s Perspective
In my work as a psychotherapist and founder of a group practice in New York City, I spend my days supporting Gen Z women and couples through the messy, beautiful chaos of becoming fully themselves, in both life and relationships. I intentionally built my psychotherapy practice for a generation navigating dating, identity, and intimacy in a world that moves fast, expects perfection, and leaves little room for emotional safety.
So, when The Atlantic reached out to me to talk about how Gen Z approaches love, intimacy, and connection, one theme stood out right away: vulnerability. For many young adults today, connection is something they crave deeply, but also something that feels risky. They’ve grown up in a time when relationships are performed as much as they’re lived, with every gesture, text, or silence potentially broadcast or analyzed online.
Holding someone’s hand can feel more intimate than sex, because sex is often framed as casual, but emotional openness? That’s what feels terrifying.
Why Emotional Vulnerability Feels So Difficult
For older generations, love often followed a script: dating, commitment, marriage, family. There was comfort in the sequence, in the order of events. Even if it was limiting. For Gen Z, that script has dissolved. Relationships today come in many forms, “situationships,” “talking stages,” “open relationships”. Offering freedom, yes, but also uncertainty.
Many young adults tell me that they’d rather appear “unbothered” than risk caring too much. The language of Gen Z dating (ghosting, zombieing, sneaky links) reflects this tension between wanting closeness and fearing rejection. Emotional safety often feels harder to find than physical connection.
There’s also a cultural shift underneath all this. This generation came of age in a world of constant comparison and exposure. Where love and heartbreak can easily go viral. Vulnerability has become synonymous with risk, and control feels like protection. But when you build walls to stay safe, you also block the very connection you long for. That’s the tricky part we unpack and process in therapy. But let’s keep going…
How Early Experiences Shape Emotional Avoidance
In therapy, we often explore how these patterns begin long before adulthood. For example, if you grew up in an environment where emotions were dismissed or where affection felt conditional, opening up later in life can feel dangerous. In other words, emotional intimacy might register in your nervous system as threat instead of comfort.
Research in Psychotherapy backs this up. A 2018 study published in National Library of Medicine found that adults with avoidant attachment styles (that as we know, are shaped by early relational experiences) tend to suppress emotional expression and struggle to seek support when distressed. In relationships, this can look like shutting down during conflict or over-analyzing your partner’s every move to avoid getting hurt.
Understanding this helps young adults approach themselves with compassion. Avoidance of intimacy isn’t a flaw or something to feel ashamed of. It’s a protective strategy that made sense once. Healing starts when we begin to gently question whether those defenses still serve us now.
A Generation Redefining Intimacy
What’s hopeful about Gen Z is that they’re asking new questions. They’re more open to therapy, more curious about attachment, and more willing to name emotional patterns than any generation before them. They crave emotional honesty, even when it scares them.
Many of my Gen Z clients are learning that vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s emotional strength. It’s the ability to stay open, even when uncertainty feels unbearable. Real intimacy isn’t about constant access or performance, it’s about presence. The kind where you can show up as you are and be met with empathy, not judgment.
In other words, Gen Z isn’t insensitive or detached. They’re just navigating love in a culture that moves faster than the nervous system was ever built to handle.
A Note From My Practice
If you’ve noticed yourself pulling away from intimacy or overthinking every text, therapy can help you reconnect with your emotions and learn to tolerate the discomfort that comes with being truly seen.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be curious enough to begin.
Reach out through our contact form if you’re ready to explore what emotional safety and real connection could look like for you.
