Why Ghosting Hurts More Than You Think (According to a Therapist)
When young women first come into my practice talking about ghosting, they often start with, “I know it’s not a big deal, but…”. Then the story spills out, how someone they cared about stopped responding, disappeared from their life without warning, and left them replaying every message, wondering what went wrong. What did they say that was too much?
It’s not “just” about a missed text. Ghosting can shake your nervous system in significant ways, bring up old attachment wounds, and leave you with a quiet but persistent sense that you’re not worth the explanation. I see this often with the young women I work with, especially those navigating the challenges of modern dating in NYC, dealing with high-functioning anxiety, or carrying a history of relational trauma.
This blog is about why ghosting feels so personal, the mental health effects it can have, and what you can do to heal from it. Also, while we usually hear about ghosting in the context of dating, it can also happen in friendships, family relationships, or even professional spaces.
What Is “Ghosting”, From a Psychological Perspective?
Ghosting is when someone cuts off all communication without warning or explanation. No text, no call, no “I need space.” Just silence.
From a psychological perspective, ghosting is a form of social rejection, and research shows that social rejection lights up the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004). That’s why it can feel so jarring, even if you were not dating for too long.
A 2022 study in Psychology Today found that ghosting can cause lingering distress because the lack of closure leaves your brain stuck in a loop, trying to make sense of what happened. And research from the Universities of Brighton and Coimbra found that ghosting is linked to higher symptoms of depression and anxiety in young adults. Especially those already dealing with relational stress or trauma.
Why It Hurts More Than You Expect
The answer is simpler than you think. In a nutshell: the human brain is wired for connection. When someone disappears without explanation, it can feel like your sense of belonging and safety has been pulled out from under you. The brain gets a signal of danger when it becomes aware that that connection is lost. In very primal terms, if humans are not connected to one another, holding the tribe strong, supporting each other, they are in danger in a hostile environment and their survival is at risk. So, in other words, connection and survival are associated in our brains. Presence of connection equals more potential for survival, safety. Loss of connection equals, higher risk of danger.
In my work, I’ve seen ghosting trigger the following:
High-functioning anxiety: constantly scanning for signs of rejection.
Overthinking and rumination: replaying conversations and “what-ifs.”
Self-doubt: questioning whether you’re too much, not enough, or unworthy of care.
For young women with a history of emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving during childhood, ghosting can hit especially hard. This is because it mirrors earlier experiences of emotional disappearance—when someone important stopped showing up for you.
It’s Not Always About You, But It Always Affects You
Here’s something I remind my clients: ghosting often says more about the other person’s ability to communicate, and tolerate intimacy, than about your worth and your value. Avoidance can be a coping strategy for people who struggle with discomfort, boundaries, or vulnerability.
However, knowing this doesn’t necessarily make the hurt go away. Being ghosted after establishing a bond with someone is never easy. Because ghosting isn’t just about the person and what they potentially mean to you, the hopes or expectations.It’s about the effect that it creates inside of you. Without a conversation that explains the ending and provides closure, you’re left holding all the unanswered questions.
How to Heal After Being Ghosted
Healing from ghosting isn’t about pretending it didn’t matter, or minimizing its effect. It’s about giving your nervous system and self-esteem what the other person didn’t: clarity, care, and closure.
Here’s what I often work on with clients during sessions that have helped them process and heal after being ghosted by someone significant in their lives.
Naming the loss: Acknowledge the hurt instead of minimizing it.
Finding your anchor: Turn to relationships that are consistent and mutual.
Regulating your body: Practices like deep breathing, grounding, and mindful movement can help calm rejection-triggered anxiety.
Rewriting the narrative: Challenging the idea that you’re “too much” or “not enough.”
Creating your own closure: Writing a letter you won’t send, or marking the end of the connection in a way that feels intentional.
You’re Not Overreacting
Ghosting can make even the most grounded, high achieving woman question themselves. That’s not weakness, it’s a sign of how deeply humans are wired for connection. So, when that connection is cut suddenly, at a time were you thought you were actually safe, the loss and its effects are real.
If you’re a young woman who is finding it hard to move forward after being ghosted, therapy for women can help you untangle the hurt of what happened from your sense of self, develop tools to cope, and rebuild your self-confidence. You don’t have to stay stuck in the questions someone else left behind. Reach out below. We want to hear from you!
